Wednesday, 12 September 2012
Life in a nutshell (x2, x3)
Two tiny souls just waiting to explode upon the scene
with hopes yet unfounded but certainly waiting to break free
Even after these days of being laid up in a bed that wouldn't let me sleep,
I've only come to realize how long I wish that inside my over-ripened belly you'd keep
No home for any of us because we're obviously simply too much to bear
but please don't fret because your mommy promises her unwavering love will never not be there.
Wednesday, 05 September 2012
dreams dashed to piecesbecause you decided it'd be more fun
to simply exclude the three of us from consideration
since your beautifully constructed life of facades was seemingly
it wouldn't hurt though to open your tiny heart
for just a mere moment when it comes to someone else
but you obviously wouldn't know the first thing about that apart
from what you'd already built up and that which you claimed to be your
Saturday, 29 October 2011
I wrote the original version of this poem back in April 2010 but made a few minor edits so figured I'd post it again instead of simply updating the other version only to leave it forever and eternally unread.LifeI put
in front of the other
only to find
I'm falling back down.
I step out of place
I've been thrust
to the back
of the crowd.
but my body
this ravaging carnival
where we all end up drowned.
Sunday, 18 September 2011
Wednesday, 07 September 2011
I choose the contents carefully as I will soon bear their flavor but my heart can't contain
the pain so it spills over and contaminates every ounce of the otherwise succulent ingredients inside
Each and every bite is delectable
as the taste has seemingly eroded your better judgement
until at last the epiphany of the blood-tinged taste finally resides upon your lips
As every time before now,
again I find myself in fragments on the floor,
picking up every piece of familiarity that won't rip my flesh with further deceit
as I rush to Super Glue myself back together so I can once more be passed off for someone else's treat
Saturday, 13 August 2011
Growing up in a world of shadows
I never really learned to cast my own
It just seemed natural to me that everyone would always
laud the fact that they were bigger and better over me until I wished I'd disappear
Now that I am alone
and no one else is here
I can't even begin to understand
how to start to fill this see-through shell I rid of its contents long ago©fkm2011
Wednesday, 08 June 2011
Here I lay in bed, awake, as I've been since 7:30. Do I shower or head straight for the gym so the endorphins'll keep me company?
It doesn't matter. None of it does. After all, those resumes won't send themselves and the girl that I used to be would gladly deliver them for me but the woman I am now has no follow-through.
Maybe, just maybe if I smile big enough and stare into the mirror just long enough I can see what everyone else claims to ... or perhaps it'll just drive me to tears like it did the last time and the time before. This twisted up being in the sheets, nobody wants to hire her; she's the face of self-defeat.
Saturday, 16 April 2011
I've been in San Antonio for a few days now taking care of four of my nieces and nephews. Although I was extremely hesitant when the subject was first broached, I've found that this is actually quite fulfilling while still completely acknowledging the fact that it is nowhere near the prettiest job. Even with as much as it seems a lot of people utterly despise changing diapers, washing pee-pee clothes and talking to little ones in the corner when they start throwing tantrums, I have found that there's little else that I have engaged in during my past that I recall making me feel quite as warm and fuzzy as the cuddles, the kisses and the hugs that follow. Honestly, I was afraid of taking on these four alone but I'm now convinced that if I would have let this chance pass me by that I could have forgotten just how important family is and why I'm still so truly and dearly wishing for one that I can claim completely as my own.
Wednesday, 06 April 2011
my alibi: alienation
So, I have a HUGE confession to make.
I've been standing in my own way for so long now that I don't know how to quit. I know exactly why I started and even that doesn't help me in removing myself as an impediment. I'm my own stumbling stone but there's simply no tossing it to the wind (or water) when I've never been any good at skipping unless it involved my own two feet leading me to where I really didn't want to be anyway.
Like makeup, the smile I've worn as an accessory to my desolation only washes away when I know I'm entirely alone in the torment of these four walls I call home. My upside-down frown keeps me company outside while everyone else hides behind their toothy grins as well but I don't know what love letters they have etched on their hearts. I am, however, certain that mine screams out in pain, of pain, and that it needs something bigger than itself to which it can cling tightly so it can feel alive, find reason to beat and stay in tune because it's always been at least a few notes behind.
In gist, I know nothing at all except the fact that I could successfully function in the most superficial of senses without anyone else ... but my soul is tied to mankind in so much that it falls to pieces (and every ounce of me with it) when I achieve any form of success that doesn't sing their song.
Sunday, 03 April 2011
Wednesday, 30 March 2011
Wednesday, 09 March 2011
mourning another heartbreak suicidenose down
you've sent me into a tailspin
the pilot seat was yours
taken miles farther than it should have been
with altitude increasing
I thought a minor descent was safe
but with a sudden thrust
I yet again managed to
to let myself outpour--
a martyred lover
--no longer were you simply placated--
as everything came
crashing down once more.
Tuesday, 25 January 2011
the world's a blur
like the shoreline
to a drunken sailor
and the words I've yet
to find today are seemingly
only drifting farther out to sea,
not because I've lost all hope
but because I know this quest's intent
is to take me to distant lands I wouldn't
otherwise have been able to explore tomorrow.
Wednesday, 15 December 2010
Monday, 15 November 2010
Friday, 05 November 2010
Thursday, 04 November 2010
Wednesday, 20 October 2010
Friday, 08 October 2010
living a civil war: existentialism and my grinning girlhood gaietyskipping along as I grope every wall
of the world that my poor mind can sense
is truly all I can do to keep my high-heeled feet
from stepping out of line without constructing some sort of fence
those lip liners and underwires I hate so much
those confines that lacked the depth to contain my tears
those boxes that my prettied-up life knew only enough to rip to shreds
those seconds that hung on for days that turned to weeks then months and wasted years
they all lead down
to nothing at all it seems
when you invest in a world
that knows only how to package frowns
More Specifically ...
Wanting to meet as many people and experience as much as humanly possible while on the face of this planet, it doesn't matter if you have horrific problems, great pains, boundless love or if you've just had a strange day, I'd love to hear from you and try to get to know you better. This being said, I'm really doing it for my gain because I want to know as much about myself as I can and you're one more way for me to get to do just that. I care about other people but I'm getting around to caring about myself as much. Good or bad, please feel free to lay it on me. ;-)